As a gift for my soon-to-be married best friend, I thought that along with great gifts, I’d give her some advice, advice on how to make her soon-to-be husband love her more. Here’s what I have so far:
1. Compare him to your friend’s husband or, better yet, to husbands of your favorite movie stars.
2. Assume he can read your mind. This works every time.
3. Continue asking him what’s on his mind when he says “nothing”
4. Force him to talk about his inner feelings and childhood inadequacies.
5. Buy him a nice European shoulder bag, and ask him to wear it if he is “man enough.”
6. Buy him a sweatshirt that says “I love my wife more than my mother.”
7. Convince him that his real friends are low life, dirt bags and that he should, instead, only spend time with you and your friends’ husbands.
8. Go on daily shopping sprees and conceal the goodies in the trunk of your car.
9. Make fun of him for refusing to ask for directions when lost on the highway.
10. Disregard his need for privacy. You’re married. Married individuals need privacy and their own lives? What?! Where’d you hear that nonsense.
Any other tips that I should add to the list? I really want this to be a special gift for her.