As a parent, I think it’s important to have parent friends. It’s important to be able to talk to people who get a) why you’re usually late for everything, b) why you don’t always return calls on time, c) why you can’t do hot yoga in the city on 30 minute’s notice, and c) why you are usually tired.
Before having kids, I didn’t have any parent friends. So, when I entered parenthood, I entered it blindly. I entered it kind of like an experiment of something I saw on TV and had heard about but didn’t see firsthand.
As the first in my circle of friends and family to try this parenting thing, I kind of felt a kind of pressure that’s hard to explain now. I kind of felt like everyone was looking at me as an example of parenthood, or the possibilities for life after parenthood.
And as a new mom, I think I was a kind of scary example with bad clothes, hair and undereye circles. It was tough as an example. I didn’t want to complain too much about parenting related things because I worried that would scare my childless friends off.
Childless friend #1: “Oh, you look tired.”
Me: “Yeah, I am.”
Childless friend #2: “Ohhhhhhhh.” (pause)
Childless friend #1: “Well at least your body looks great.”
On the other hand, I couldn’t ethically make it seem like everything was easy for me. So, it was a catch 22.
But then I met some online parenting friends and then some real life parenting friends and my life changed for the better. I was able to complain about stuff in one breath and talk about how much I love my kids in the next. All of this, the seemingly differing emotions and sentiments made sense.
And that’s parenthood. It’s incredibly beautiful and incredibly tough. It’s both of these things. It’s hard but it’s very sweet. I miss some parts of my childless life, but I love this life even more. When you don’t have kids, you can’t really get that. You can’t really get how something so emotionally and physically draining can be so wonderful. You can’t get how much you can love another human being. You can’t, until it happens to you.
That’s one reason why I keep up this blog and, sometimes, drag, myself to playdates. I do these things to talk about this with people who get the parenting side of me. There are other sides of me, yes, sides that come out in my posts and conversations, but this side is a big part of me at this point in my life.
I sometimes wonder when this will change or whether it’s already changed.
Grow.
I wonder when, and if, I’ll ever stop blogging.
Growing.
I wonder what the future holds for my family, for me, and whether this blog will still fit when there are no more diapers to change or children to snuggle in the morning. I wonder if putting “mommyhood” in my blog title was shortsighted. I wonder.
But for now, I’m just enjoying this ride.
I’m enjoying growing as a mom, woman, and human being and just hope my blog can capture all that growth.
So long as I feel inspired by things like pink bows and a toddler who “breastfeeds” her baby, I will continue here and in this capacity.
Growing.
Have you started something and in the midst of doing, and enjoying, it wondered when it would come to an end? Parenting bloggers, how do you foresee your futures as bloggers once your children or you grow?
About Jessica Jessica (@jessicafhinton)
Jessica F. Hinton is a writer, blogger, and hobbyist photographer living in the DC metropolitan area with her husband and two children. Her writings have appeared in various places on- and off-line, such as The Huffington Post, Babble, BlogHer, The African American Review, Early Mama, Tots 2 Tweens, and Baltimore's Child. She is a senior editor at Baby Gizmo and writes unedited at her other blog, http://shortlittlebits.com.
{ 23 comments… read them below or add one }
I foresee myself still writing about parenting – in a different fashion of course, but still one, of discovery. Of myself. Of my children. And I’m excited!!
That’s awesome! I think I’ll do the same since, at this point, I can’t imagine not talking about my kids and parenting and motherhood. They’re all such a huge part of my life!
I wonder that constantly. Especially as I’m writing this book, I’m finding less time for the blog so I just wonder when is the right time to stop. I just don’t know
Yeah. It’s tough. Or you could create a blog that corresponds with your book? That would be awesome. I’ve seen some bloggers do that really well. Just a thought.
Not a mama, but I think as I read this blog and other posts by mama bloggers, no matter how old or young the children, as a reader I continue to enjoy the life lessons learned about motherhood and just being a woman. You do grow and change but I’ll say take me with you.
Thank you for your feedback! It’s nice to hear from a non-mom reader on what you get from this blog.
I have wondEred that same thing lately. I have been blogging for almost four years now I don’t only blog about my kids but they definitely are a huge part of my blog- but as they get to be teens and would be mortified if I were blogging about them- will I have shifted to something else or will I just give it up? I really don’t know yet
Yeah. I can only imagine! I think once children get older, things change. Right now, I can easily write about my kids’ pooping habits and personalities without much thought about their thoughts on my writings. But when they get older, I’d imagine that will change.
This is partly why I don’t only write about the kids. A lot of my writing is my journey through life, and I plan to continue that.
It’s funny you mention the future. That seems to be a running theme for me today. I don;t know what God has planned. But, I know it’s something good!
I think having connections with other mothers is a huge part of my life. We need a circle where we can be real and relate!
I agree! And that’s why it’s hard to imagine my life without blogging. It’s added so much to my life!
Ok. I love those photos of Nya. She’s so much like Gigi it amazes me. If only they could get together and breastfeed their baby dolls together. I know what you mean about having fellow mommy friends. I was the first of my friends to become a mother, but luckily several of them got pregnant within a year or two after me (and all had girls!), plus I joined Stroller Strides which has helped me make plenty of mommy friends. AND my cousin and best friend had her baby two months before I did (only she lives in CA). No one understands motherhood except for other mothers. It’s simply impossible. (I loved the comment “at least your body looks good” — as if we didn’t work like hell to get our bodies back, and as if it’s even on the radar as a difficult part of the post-partum period!)
I know (re:Gigi and Nya being so similar)! It’s amazing! I always think the same thing in reading posts about Gigi on your blog!
That’s great that you had so many friends to have children around the same time as you! I’ve made mom friends now, through blogging, library storytimes, etc. and my life has been made better because of it!
You can always change the name of your blog in the future.
I have no idea what my future in blogging has in store for me but I’m along for the ride.
That’s very true. I feel the same way. I’m enjoying this ride!
Oh you just reminded me of how my daughter used to try to breastfeed her dolls as I fed her little brother. Thanks for bringing back such a sweet memory. I was also the first of my friends to try out this whole motherhood thing. I was very young and I will never forget a friend (barely 20 years old) coming to visit and saying “Wow, it seems like this is so easy and fun and you are skinny again. I totally want one.” Dumbest. Comment. Ever.
lol (@ your friend’s comment). Yeah, until you’ve been a parent, you can’t really get what it’s like.
(re:your little girl breastfeeding) Wasn’t it the most adorable thing, or seeing her do something so precious with her “baby”? The first time I saw Nya do it I just watched her and smiled. The second time, I got a camera, watched, and smiled.
Lucky for me, I was one of last of my friends to have a baby. And the rest had babies the same time as me. So I was really lucky to have support in that area.
Buuuuut. Still.
I’m having a blog identity crisis right now! It’s soooo motherhood centered. It’s so personal. I kind of want to start all over and make a light and funny blog. But that wouldn’t be me would it? Sigh. We’ll see.
That’s good! So you had all of their wisdom to go by! Having mom friends who’ve done it before definitely helps make it easier when it’s your turn!
Oh, I love this post! I get everything that you are saying. It really is true; with parent friends you don’t have to explain *anything.* Arrive 10, 15 minutes late for a playdate or lunch out and the waiting parent, with a wave of her hand, will say, “Oh, don’t worry about it.” Same holds true if you have to cancel something at the last minute because your kid just threw up. We can roll our eyes momentarily at our kids’ crazy behavior and the other parent will take that for what it is – temporary annoyance that you will take any day, because the love you feel for your child dwarfs all frustrations.
I too have wondered if I would lose my blog and my blogging friends once we leave childhood. Well, I started blogging when my son was 4, I think…and now he’s 8. There are always things to talk about. And I imagine that as they become teens and then leave the nest, we will need more support than ever!
And bloggers come and go. I’ve “lost” 2 of my favorite bloggers from when I was starting out, but then I found wonderful new ones, like you. We should all try to keep writing for as long as we can.
“We should all try to keep writing as long as we can.” – I agree, Cecilia! It hurts to lose blogging friends. Even if my focus changes a bit on this blog, I want to continue blogging for as long as possible. I honestly cannot imagine my life without all that has been added through my blog and the relationships I’ve cultivated as a result of my blog.
My childless friends don’t get me either. So whenever we’re together, I just act as if I was still single. It’s refreshing though, as it takes me back in time.
Having parent friends is helpful, yes. It’s almost like a support group. We’re all learning and growing here.
I haven’t really thought about the future of my blogging
. I’m taking it day by day, I guess.
That’s always nice, or being able to live out the other parts of ourselves with our friends. And that’s why I enjoy and need my childless friends, too!
And, I like your approach to blogging. It’s so important to take it one day at a time, go with the flow! I’m trying to do the same, each day.