I didn’t really know what I wanted. A month ago, I really didn’t know what I wanted—from blogging. But I knew I was aching for something else.
I was tired of that nagging feeling that creeped in, often, to tell me I wasn’t doing enough—not enough blog posts, not enough social media interaction, not enough time to play hide and seek and check Pinterest and then upload new pictures to Instagram and then breathe to allow a proper let down…slower.
But, about a month ago, I decided to change.
On the heels of my blog anniversary, I made a commitment to myself to do this another way. I realized that the thing that matters most in my blogging journey is the writing part, that, and the wonderful friendships and connections made through this journey.
Nothing else.
I know now that I don’t want to be the best blogger or crafter or social media guru.
I just want to be the best me. And I want her to come out and play in my real life and online.
I want to exist, write, connect, mother, love, be from that place.
I want to hang pretty curtains in my daughter’s room and breathe in pink roses.
I want to write beautiful things.
I want to love fully.
I want to be here when I’m here and not worry about not being here when I’m not here.
That’s all I want.
***
This post was written in response to today’s prompt for Stream of Consciousness Sunday on All Things Fadra.
About Jessica Jessica (@jessicafhinton)
Jessica F. Hinton is a writer, blogger, and hobbyist photographer living in the DC metropolitan area with her husband and two children. Her writings have appeared in various places on- and off-line, such as The Huffington Post, Babble, BlogHer, The African American Review, Early Mama, Tots 2 Tweens, and Baltimore's Child. She is a senior editor at Baby Gizmo and writes unedited at her other blog, http://shortlittlebits.com.
{ 31 comments… read them below or add one }
“I want to be here when I’m here and not worry about not being here when I’m not here.”
YES YES YES!!! But it’s difficult for me sometimes because my on-line friends are some of the truest I’ve found, and they are always at the reach of my fingertips. I need a better balance.
Thanks so much for coming by my place, and I’m glad we both linked up today—your post is fabulous!
I can totally relate.
Thank you, Erin! I really connected with your post, too! And I totally am there with you on the on-line friends part. It’s tough in that way. Because when friends are involved it feels just plain wrong to not always stay in touch when you really could always stay in touch. But I think most on-line friends are forgiving because they, too, want to connect without the pressure of always being there. It’s tough finding the balance, so I wish you all the best on your journey!
p.s. Thank you for stopping by and commenting! I really appreciate it!
You know I can relate!! I just want to love my little Bloggy space and the People who come to it. I want tO be proud of what I’ve written and the photos I’ve taken. And then, go out and enjoy life
Oh, I know! It’s (blogging’s) more fun that way. For some blogging is a real job, a paying job. But, for me, it’s just a really awesome hobby. So, I must treat it as such.
you can do it girl! i’m cheering you on! your family comes first and nothing should take away from that!
Thank you, Vanita! I really appreciate your support!
This prompt was wonderful. I love your response especially:
I want to be here when I’m here and not worry about not being here when I’m not here.
I love social media but that constant need to be here and there and everywhere is totally overwhelming. Good for you for knowing what you want and going for it.
I hope I can get to the same place.
-r
Thank you for this and for stopping by! It’s tough. I think the important part is just pacing yourself and finding the balance that works right for your life. It’s hard, but so worth it. It took me two years to be okay with being at this place. And though I still do sometimes feel that tug of wanting to ovedo it in social media, I recenter myself by remembering my goals for blogging and taking heed of what matters most to me, right now. I wish you the best!
Exactly this….here when I’m here.
It’s better writing that way. xo
Exactly! And that’s what makes it all worth it.
Love it. There just isn’t enough time in a day. I write most of my blog posts in the middle of the night, after I get home from work- when baby and husband are out cold. It’s the only time I get to myself! And if I find myself checking to see how a blog post was received, or trying to post on twitter while my child is awake- I automatically feel guilty. Grrr.
Oh, I know that feeling. I, too, did most of my blogging at night. And, I still do, but I’m trying to make 11 pm my cut off time, my bedtime. If I don’t set a stopping time, I could end up being awake all night. And being tired all the time with two little ones is no fun. You know?
Well, the above comments pretty much covered my thoughts. And so did your post for that matter!
Thank you, Christine. I’m glad you could relate. It’s so easy to forget the reasons why we blog and get overwhelmed with trying to be the person that we assume everyone is. But, I’m learning that in blogging as in motherhood and life, you only get further by focusing on your journey.
Love that you are blogging for you!!
Stopped through from SOC!
I am happy about this new place I’m in, too. It’s too stressful to blog for anyone else.
Thank you for stopping by!
doesn’t sound like too much to ask. not in the least.
That’s what I thought.
Love that last line! That is exactly what I want too and often it feels like I’m struggling to get there.
Yes- I agree- I just don’t want to invest the time it would take to become a “big blogger” as I am afraid I would lose all enjoyment if I did. Some can do it and maybe someday in a different stage in my life- but for now I am happy with how things are.
THIS is perfectly said. It is so hard to find balance but being “here when I’m here” is exactly how we all need to do it.
Smart. Very, very smart. It’s amazing how competitive and crazy-making something so fun can become.
Good for you.
I love this. I also struggle with this as well. I get that nagging feeling that I’m not doing enough, that I should be doing enough, but I can’t stretch myself any thinner than I already am. I love my blog space, it’s my own place to relax and I don’t want to change that. I love the connections and I love talking to people.
My hats off to those who blog for a living but I know that if my hobby turned into my job, I wouldn’t be enjoying it as much.
Well this is an awesome intro to your blog for me. This is EXACTLY how I feel. I used to feel guilty if I didn’t read other blogs and comment and post every day. Now, I post 2 or 3 times a week, concentrate on making them quality posts, and visit blogs on those days too.
You summed it up perfectly.
Your schedule sounds like mine! I used to post everyday and comment everyday, but it was WAY too much for me! I think it’s awesome that some can do it, but I’ve come to realize that I just can’t. I now just try to focus on posting and commenting when I can and making the most of the moments when I have them.
Thank you for stopping by! I just finished my 10K today and am so proud of myself. I will have a recap of it all (in the form of a post) sometime next week! Thank you again for all of your help! I listened to Kelly Clarkson on my third mile and thought of you!
I love this. And yes, I’m never going to be FADRA, SUPER BLOGGER. I’m never going to be Dooce and I frankly don’t want to be. So why do we keep putting this pressure on ourselves? Your post is a good reminder to enjoy what you’re doing so it doesn’t become just another chore.
Good question! I think it’s one that we must all ask of ourselves when we begin to get stressed out in our blogging journeys. What matters most is that we do what we can and love what we can do.
Blogging sometimes gets in the way of real life, doesn’t it? I’m glad you’re happier where you’re at
It really can! And that’s why I think it’s important to take blogging breaks to regroup, reorganize your effort, and reflect on your goals.
thank you for this! It was exactly what I needed to hear right now and I will begin my attitude change now! Not just in blogging, but a good lesson in everything in life. I’ll be here with my blogging, here with my kids, with my work, & (try) not to worry when I’m not here. Thank you.
Thank you for reading! I’m glad you took something from this post. And, yes, with blogging and anything else in life, you should just do what you can and do only what you can. Forgive and be kind to yourself for all that you can’t.