This is my very important moment of motherhood

by Jessica Faye Hinton on May 23, 2012

It’s so cliché of parents to say, “I can’t imagine our lives without (fill in the blank with name of child).” But, I have to say it…again. Because as with most things in parenthood, you can’t really get it until it happens to you.

Now that it’s happened to me, I must say it: I can’t imagine our lives without Annah.

Sitting at the wooden table my husband and I bought before we even thought of having children, I can’t imagine anything but this life.

I know there was another way before this way, but right now, that way seems so…distant. Like a kind of a dream that you only remember some of the feelings and sensations it inspired and only some of its most striking details, but not the sense of urgency of now that you felt then—it’s like that.

When I became a mom, I struggled with embracing the changes that come with motherhood. I wanted to try to stay the person I once was so I clung to vestiges of my old self to hold on to that, or her.

I clung to blogging for the writing part, staying up late into the night and waking before the rise of the sun for that—for the sense of my old self that I felt I lost, or was losing, the relationships with others, the sense of self, the sense of accomplishment that came when clicking “publish.”

Now, or two years later, blogging still gives me that, but more importantly now, it also gives me a reason to talk, to open up, about this very important part of my life now.

***

Annah is crawling now, sometimes with her stomach off the ground, but usually with her stomach on the ground. Commando style.

Nya thinks Annah’s chasing her when she crawls in her direction. So she crawls with her. Right alongside her, but usually in front. Follow the leader.

“Come, baby!” “Crawl, baby!”

And sometimes Annah will crawl, seemingly, on command, but really she crawls just to be near mama.

These are my important moments now.

At seven months postpartum, I get this more clearly.

At seven months postpartum, I’ve learned that to stay afloat as a mom of two, you must stay ahead of the current. You must surrender to the demands of your new life and just keep going, putting one foot in front of the other, and find new ways to be…you.

***

This is my much delayed, week 21 in my personal, 52 week photography challenge.

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