This is my very important moment of motherhood

It’s so cliché of parents to say, “I can’t imagine our lives without (fill in the blank with name of child).” But, I have to say it…again. Because as with most things in parenthood, you can’t really get it until it happens to you.

Now that it’s happened to me, I must say it: I can’t imagine our lives without Annah.

Sitting at the wooden table my husband and I bought before we even thought of having children, I can’t imagine anything but this life.

I know there was another way before this way, but right now, that way seems so…distant. Like a kind of a dream that you only remember some of the feelings and sensations it inspired and only some of its most striking details, but not the sense of urgency of now that you felt then—it’s like that.

When I became a mom, I struggled with embracing the changes that come with motherhood. I wanted to try to stay the person I once was so I clung to vestiges of my old self to hold on to that, or her.

I clung to blogging for the writing part, staying up late into the night and waking before the rise of the sun for that—for the sense of my old self that I felt I lost, or was losing, the relationships with others, the sense of self, the sense of accomplishment that came when clicking “publish.”

Now, or two years later, blogging still gives me that, but more importantly now, it also gives me a reason to talk, to open up, about this very important part of my life now.

***

Annah is crawling now, sometimes with her stomach off the ground, but usually with her stomach on the ground. Commando style.

Nya thinks Annah’s chasing her when she crawls in her direction. So she crawls with her. Right alongside her, but usually in front. Follow the leader.

“Come, baby!” “Crawl, baby!”

And sometimes Annah will crawl, seemingly, on command, but really she crawls just to be near mama.

These are my important moments now.

At seven months postpartum, I get this more clearly.

At seven months postpartum, I’ve learned that to stay afloat as a mom of two, you must stay ahead of the current. You must surrender to the demands of your new life and just keep going, putting one foot in front of the other, and find new ways to be…you.

***

This is my much delayed, week 21 in my personal, 52 week photography challenge.

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20 Responses to “This is my very important moment of motherhood”

  1. Rachel J. says:

    Beautiful. I’ve been feeling some of the same things lately. In many ways I feel like I’m so different from the old me, but maybe I’m the same me but just with a different life? Then again I know I’ve grown a lot as a mother and I’ve been presented with new challenges that have both magnified my weaknesses and strengthened me immensely…it’s quite a journey. But you’re so right – you have to learn to surrender to the journey. :D

    • Jessica says:

      Thank you, Rachel! And I think are experiences are very similar, as usual! It’s journey, a long one, that is filled with many tests. I can handle now, more than I could (or thought I could before) because I think I’m growing…as a mom, a woman, and a human being. And that’s humbling, you know?

  2. Yes, one foot in front of the other. That is what I keep telling myself daily. Several times. :)

    • Yes, I think that finding new ways to be you , or to reinvent yourself is key. I’m finding that photography does that for me. And blogging is helping me to remember that I like to write.

      • Jessica says:

        Yes! So very true! I think so often it’s easy to forget that even as moms, we can still do the things that we love. Even with little time and in the midst of the demands that come with motherhood, we can! We just must learn to be creative, flexible, and forgiving of the things that we must let go of in order to do those things we love. This lesson is one that I’m learning daily.

    • Jessica says:

      Yes, as a mom of two, I think it’s the most important thing to remember through it all. One foot in front of the other– It’s the only way I don’t get too overwhelmed with all that I think I need to do!

  3. Kimberly says:

    Yes yes…go with the current…you can’t fight it because it continuously moves forward…with or without you.
    You’ll find your pace in your own time…just keep putting one foot in front of the other xoxo

  4. jen says:

    Very sweet moments indeed. Treasure them with your heart and stay eager for new ones. :)

  5. Jessica says:

    I can’t believe she is 7 months already.

    Life is much different from one kid to two kids. You have to make changes and sometimes it’s not easy but it’s worth it.

  6. Lucy says:

    I always think to myself, I know I’m on the right path in my life (no matter how skewed I feel at times) because I have these two gorgeous children to keep me centered.

    • Jessica says:

      They are wonderful reminders, aren’t they? I find that sometimes I get stressed easily with thoughts of all my “lacks”– or all the things I haven’t, but want to accomplish. That novel. That pitch letter. But, it’s necessary to focus on all that we have, our children, our health, the time we do have to pursue our passions and dreams and ambitions.

  7. Kat says:

    One day at a time…that’s how moms do it. And someday we look back and wonder how on Earth they passed us by so quickly!

    • Jessica says:

      Exactly! We really must learn to zero in on each day and just focus on that day and make it our best day or forgive ourselves and look forward to the next day. I do often think of the future, but I find that it mostly distracts me. So instead I try to think of the present and imagine it as a step towards somewhere else. And that helps me…immensely.

  8. Emmy says:

    Oh love when babies crawl that way. And yes siblings are wonderful, but nothing beats mama

  9. Your girls are gorgeous! Enjoy those “army crawling” moments, all too soon, she will be running!!
    Glad you’ve learned to stay ahead of the current…sometimes I still struggle with that.

    • Jessica says:

      Thank you! And, oh, don’t I know it! It’s amazing how quickly these times go by!
      (re: staying ahead of the current): It’s tough, but it’s something I’m always working on. Right now, I’m a good place, thankfully.