My children humble me.
They are what remind me, when I’m trying to gracefully navigate a double stroller through H&M, that my life has changed, that I have changed.
Their presence in my life teaches me something about survival and getting things done and dreams and sunsets and beauty and love.
My children keep me low, closer to the earth. In being there, I can choose to learn to see the world differently, to see my children differently.
I must learn to see myself differently.
From down low looking up at the big thing that is MY life and MY self, my grown, adult self, I must learn to see the bare bones of it all and decide what really matters.
I’m sometimes asked how I do it all. I don’t do it all.
I can only chose to do what I can within the confines of the larger demands on my time that come with parenthood.
I, not my parents or my spouse or anyone else, must make choices, my own choices, and sacrifices and decide to pursue some things right now and let others whither, for a bit.
I, and not any one else, must decide to sleep when I’m tired and write when words are seeping through my pores and mother when my children need me, which is always.
I must decide to be an adult.
I must learn to see my children at their level and have no expectations that they be at any other level than the one that they are at today.
I must learn to love them where they are rather than wish for where I think they should be.
I must learn to embrace who I am…as a parent, a woman, human being, a spouse and take the steps that I need to take, the small steps, to get to where I know in my heart I want to be.
From that low, I’ve been losing pieces of my ego. I lost that part of myself that would think too much about what others are doing and what the experts would say I should be doing and just decide to just. Keep doing. What feels right to me.
I must decide to keep on being the person you know that I was meant to become, a writer, a parent who does parenting with only my best intentions at the forefront, a wife who is present when my husband needs me most.
This is what my children teach me.