Throughout much of my twenties, I had nightmares about 30. This is given my history with birthdays and the anticipation of big things happening in my life that never seemed to ever really happen when I felt they should.
But, leading into 30, I changed.
You know what’s interesting about growing up when you’re an adult? It’s interesting that when you become an adult, or begin calling yourself an adult at say 21, you assume that you are all grown up, that you have the world mostly figured out and in your control, and that you know EVERYTHING.Of course.
You assume, or at least I assumed, that I had no more growing to do when I celebrated my 21st birthday by renewing my license at the MVA.
I had no idea what it really meant to grow at 21. Growth isn’t immediate. It’s usually slow, happening at a seemingly fragmented pace. It happens until you die.
I think I get this better now that I have the mirror of my children’s growth to see my growth through. Just like them, the steps that I’ve taken to get me where I am today have been slow and small and, often, done without a clear vision of where I was going.
When my girls started to walk and talk or when my almost three year old became potty trained, it wasn’t overnight and the steps they took to get there didn’t always seem connected to one another.
When you see in someone else, someone smaller, that growth and big things happen when small steps and stumbles are made and committed to on a daily basis….When you can see that these steps are taken, often, unknowingly and in faith that they do mean something that can’t be understood in the moment, then you can understand growth!
In order for growth to happen, mistakes must be made and uncertainty must be accepted as a necessary partner to what will eventually be!
I’ve grown so much through my twenties and I’m still growing at 30. So, when I woke up on my birthday yesterday, I didn’t feel the normal birthday sentiments that I used to feel, or the feelings of longing, regret, or sadness.
I felt happy, thankful to be alive and still growing.
So, hello, 30! I look forward to getting to know you better.
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