The night before, at around 6 pm, I had made up my mind. “I’m not going!” I told my sister in a phone call.
And before she could answer with “why,” I jumped in with, “because I’m not prepared and I don’t want to do anything unprepared and….”
My piece didn’t feel “ready,” I wasn’t ready.
Yes, I am a writer, but a speaker? No, I’m not that, so to become that I needed to practice more. But I didn’t have time to practice more. So, of course, I just couldn’t go.
I wouldn’t go.
“I’m not going to go since not going would be… the most comfortable thing to do and while taking risks and being courageous is important, it’s also important to be comfortable, right?” Yes, I’ll just put that on my Tumblr and that will be that.
It’s also important to be reasonable and kind to ourselves and accept that we need not do everything that scares us when we don’t have the time to do it. Right? And I really didn’t have the time. Right?
I didn’t know the answer to this but I did know at 10 PM that night that I hated this “comfort” logic. It was the same logic I’ve been using for years to get out of creating art, publishing my art, be more courageous in my work, in my life.
So that night I went to bed, convinced I wasn’t going to go, but then at 3 AM, after a night waking with my five month old, I decided that I would go. I edited my piece more, practiced more, went to bed, woke in the morning, edited more, practiced more and resigned that I would definitely be going. No matter what.
I chose courage.
So I went. I read a piece and told my sister, in walking out of the audition room, that “whether I get in the show or not is not the point. The point is that I did it! I’m happy that I did it. And if I get in, well, that would be like icing on the cake. ”
I’m writing this 16 days from that day because two days ago, I got news that I can have the icing, after all. My piece was accepted, so I will be in this year’s DC cast! And I couldn’t be more honored!
For more updates on my courageous journey, follow me on Tumblr.
What’s something courageous you’ve done this month?