Letting Things Go

let it go.

I once knew a woman who I once called a friend.

She was a friend because I called her that.  But she wasn’t really worthy of the title. Even in the beginning, when I thought we were close, she did things that suggested otherwise.

She talked about me behind my back. But she smiled to my face. She lied to me. And when caught in lies, she would tell more lies. She used me. But since I didn’t see myself as having anything worthy of being used, I let her get on with it.

She did all the things that an enemy would do.

But because she was my friend, she couldn’t be my enemy.

So I kept her in my life closet, toward the back on a hanger marked, “for one day.” Since I assumed that one day, she’d stopped doing these bad things and just be my friend. I just wanted a friend then.

But then in January of this year, with my commitment to courage, I started cleaning out my closet. I started cleaning out the things I never wore, the things I wanted to wear but that looked horribly on me, and all the other things that got in the way of me seeing everything else, or that space in between my clothes and the white wall, that space between what was and what could be, what really is.

I got rid of her in that cleaning bit.

I put our relationship in a bag with navy and black suits, faded baby clothes, unbecoming stretch jeans, and over-sized maxi dresses that once looked good but that did little to speak to the kind of woman that I am becoming, the kind of woman I am.

I put all that stuff in a bag marked “for giveaway” and someone else picked them up, I think.

I don’t really know who has those things now. I don’t know what happened to all that stuff, but it’s not with me anymore. So since I can’t see all that stuff, all that stuff is no longer relevant to me anymore.

I mean, I do, at times, have memories of what once was. The sweater that was worn to the party at the first job I ever worked. That woman, or friendship that was bad but that could have changed with divine intervention and Dr. Phil. “Should I really have given that away?” “I could have maybe used it.” Maybe if I gain more weight or get a better mirror to see things.” I do this but then I look at the wonderful things that are  left and that beautiful space in which those things once hung, and I forget again. I don’t remember, again. And in my forgetfulness, I smile.

Letting things go is a muscle, the more you use this muscle, the better you get at it.

I’m getting good at it now.

When’s the last time you let go of something that proved beneficial to your life? What was it?

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19 Responses to “Letting Things Go”

  1. MIchele says:

    I’m sorry that you lost a friend, but it sounds like you made a choice that will be healthier for you in the long run. I love the idea of taking stock of your “life closet” — what a good way to think about it!

  2. Jessica says:

    Thank you, Michele! It is always tough to lose or get rid of the things we think we can’t live without. But when we lose/get rid of them and we are able to see the good in their absence? Well that makes it all worth it!

  3. LindySez says:

    Baggage is baggage. Sometimes it’s better to let it go … right? But it does take courage to do that, especially with people. Good for you for having the courage.

  4. Cher says:

    Letting go of certain things or people is very hard and I applaud you in your journey toward courage! This is definitely something that needs doing in my life!

  5. La Dale says:

    Losing friends is never easy, not ever. It hurts, even when it is the right thing to do. After losing my very best friend, my mother, I realized that I could no longer afford to have people in my life who didn’t uplift me, and that meant that I too had to put some friends out with the old. It was painful and I have the what ifs moments as well, but I look around and realize that although my circle is definitely smaller, it’s stronger, more loving, more forgiving, and it feels like home. Kudos to you for having the strength to let go.

    • Jessica says:

      Well said, La Dale! And how brave of you! It is tough to let go of people that we care about, but you’re right, if letting go allows us to get closer to what matters, to focus on the people who mean the most, then it’s all worth it! Thanks for stopping by!

  6. Tamara says:

    I like to think of it that way – as a muscle that needs to be used, in order to get stronger.
    It’s not like we should be letting go of everything, but yes, things must be let go! It simply has to happen. Too much baggage and crowding and stress is not good.

  7. KalleyC says:

    While I know it’s hard losing a relationship, I think that if it was toxic then you made the right decision. Letting things go is so hard, but it is a muscle that we have to learn how to use.

    • Jessica says:

      Thanks, Kalley! It is hard but worth it to let go of the things that are not helping us move forward in life. That relationship was one of those things. My life is better now that I’ve closed that chapter.

  8. Lady Jennie says:

    I only struggle with “giving away” friendships that I simply have no time for – the person didn’t do anything to deserve it. But I have noo problem giving away friendships that do deserve it. A good spring cleaning does some good. 😉

    • Jessica says:

      Good for you! I think I try to imagine that I can be friends with everyone, that things can work out if only I try harder. I have let go of relationships in the past, but never one like this, or never one in which I cared so much. It’s hard. But you’re right. A good spring cleaning does do some good!

  9. Letting people go is hard. You want them to be better. You hold out hope that they will be better. When it doesn’t happen, it’s hard. Sucks for her. Sounds like she lost a good friend. 🙂

  10. Maureen says:

    Absolutely love this, Jessica! It is so important to be able to be all that we can be to let go of what doesn’t serves us anymore. I am on the same track as you as I have just ended two friendships that well doesn’t gives me joy anymore. Friendships suppose to bring the best in us – at least that’s how I think – not bringing negativities and bad energies. Love this post!

  11. Cecilia says:

    Wow, I am glad you had the courage to let that “friendship” go. I know it is hard. I’ve struggled with boundary issues and I never quite knew how to deal with those friendships that felt toxic. I think that some friendships need to end the way bad romantic relationships do. As for my letting go, I am still working on it, but I am trying to let go of the way I allow my mother to impact me emotionally. My brother lets her comments roll off his back but it’s a lot harder for me.

  12. Ruby says:

    Can we please have a coffee date together?! I’ve just recently been stuck and your writing about courage has resonated so much with me. I just want to be able toi have a chat together, drink coffee, laugh & inspire to be courageous. <3 hope you are well!

  13. […] And it was this moment, this “a-ha” moment that inspired my recent  commitment to clean out my closets and every other place in my […]

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